The Pirate and The Barber
by CaptainFlyingSparrow
Summary: What happens when you interview Captain Jack Sparrow and Sweeney Todd at the same time? ...this. R&R


HEY GUYS! :D Its me CaptainFlyingSparrow, I'm sorry I haven't been updating my fanficiton lately. I've been really busy with school and haven't found the time to go over the latest chapters to my other fanficitons.

I wrote this fun interview for Journalism class. And since it was about Captain Jack and Sweeney Todd I decided to post in on Fanficiton for all of you to read! I hope you enjoy the interview as much as I enjoyed writing it! :D

**Disclaimer**: Sadly I don't own Jack Sparrow...I mean Captain Jack Sparrow or Sweeney Todd.

*Note* LK is me by the way just so you know xD

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><p>Please note, the writer of this interview was never the same after the day she spent with these two characters. Some say she quit her job because it was too much for her to handle…others say she sailed away into the sunset with one of the characters she interviewed. Whatever the matter, she took only the time to write this interview for her readers stating it was her last.<p>

_-The Out of The Ordinary News-_

The Pirate and the Barber.

By CaptainFlyingSparrow

I was never the same when my interview finished with two of the world's most recognized movie characters. My camera man had already left, stating he wasn't paid enough for his job. (That was the PG version). The lighting had all been broken or had fallen to the ground. All three chairs toppled over, one of which I hid behind. The 4D experience with swinging swords and razors was just too much for me and my crew to handle.

This is only the second time I have ever considered quitting my job, the other time was with four fourth graders made out of construction paper. I won't get too detailed with that interview.

I guess I'll start from the beginning,

Never in a million years did I ever think I would interview two of the most iconic characters is movie history…Captain Jack Sparrow from Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean and Sweeney Todd, from Tim Burtons Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.

Little did I know what the interview would turn into.

I was very impatient as I waited for the two to walk into the room; I sat and listened as muffled bickering made its way through the cracks of the door. At the time I was quite worried on how the two would react together, both being from totally different lives and having different views of life. I wasn't surprised when the door suddenly swung open and a tall, pale but still handsome man walked inside. His heavy boots echoing across the floor as he walked to the nearby chair before flopping down into it crossing his arms across his chest and heaving a disturbed sigh. The light reflected slightly off his jet black hair that flaunted a perfectly straight white streak through it. He sat stiff in his chair before looking to me his dark eyes glaring into my own.

"Hi" was all he said before looking down at the hardwood floor.

Mr. Sweeney Todd was his name, however he was mostly known as the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. A man who would murder innocent people in his infamous super chair…I mean… barber chair before sending them down a shoot where his landlady Mrs. Nellie Lovett would bake them into pies. (He has a very logical reason for this.)

My eyes quickly darted back to the door as an equally tall, and handsome, I might add man walked into the room. His hair was full of trinkets clacking together with each swaggering step he took. A huge grin spread across his tanned face as he made his way to where I and Mr. Todd sat.

"Ello love! Pleaser to meet you on this fine evenin'" he said with a deep British accent before bowing and grabbing my hand, giving it a small kiss on the knuckles. Which I will admit caused me to giggle. Mr. Todd rolled his eyes dramatically before shaking his head.

"It is a pleaser to meet you as well Captain Sparrow," I said as he took his seat beside Sweeney Todd, removing his trademark hat and placing it on his knee.

Captain Jack Sparrow was his full name. He was mostly known as the beloved pirate that girls from the age of 10 through 90 would drool over. (Including myself.) He is the Pirate Lord of the Caribbean and captain of the most famous and fastest ship of the seven seas The Black Pearl.

Captain Sparrow looked over at Mr. Todd who glared back at him the tension in the room rising with the barber's dark gaze.

However, Captain Sparrow didn't seem to be phased. He instead settled into his seat.

After we were settled I started the interview looking from my notes back to the two who sat before me. I looked to my camera man, Bob who nodded his head indicating he was ready to shoot.

BOB: Three, Two, One and action!

LK: My question is for you Captain Sparrow.

JS: Don't worry about formalities luv you can call me Jack.

LK: Alrighty… Jack, you're the Pirate Lord of the Caribbean yes?

JS: Yes I am, and captain of the fastest ship in the Caribbean!

LK: Captain of The Black Pearl! Everyone knows that.

JS: But bloody Barbossa has it again.

ST: A bloody Monkey could take your ship Jack and you wouldn't notice.

JS: Excuse me its CAPTAIN Jack to you mate.

Sweeney Todd rolled his eyes before looking to the floor again cutting himself out of the conversation just the same way he cut in.

LK: How did you become the Pirate Lord of the Caribbean?

JS: It's a funny story actually,

ST: Then tell it.

JS: I plan on it but you can't interrupt, my brain might lose it.

ST: Like it loses everything else?

Jack Sparrow paused for a moment turning to Sweeney Todd who glared back at him.

JS: I said I was sorry.

ST: Answer her da…

LK: Mr. Todd please keep it PG I have young readers.

ST: Sorry, answer her question.

JS: As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by "Mad Skunk" over here.

ST: Excuse Me?

JS: It was way back in the day, during my years as a young pirate. You see being the son of the Keeper of the Code,

ST: What's the Code?

JS: Pirates Code.

ST: Like a password?

JS: No…guidelines for pirates.

ST: Rules?

JS: NO Guidelines for pirates to follow to live a respectful life in the pirate way.

ST: Pirates follow rules?

JS: NO! Ok really it's just a giant book we like to carry around and pretend we actually have brains when in reality we'll like seagulls with their heads cut off.

ST: I agree with you on that one.

Jack Sparrow closed his eyes before pinching his nose with his fingers.

JS: What was the question again?

LK: How did you become a Pirate Lord?

JS: Oh yes, well I'll start from the beginning. The Brethren Court may have nine fearsome pirates sitting around a large table deep inside Shipwreck Cove, all of them nasty and horrible in their own way. However, there was one man, who would do their dirtiest work. A henchman… assassin, you know, the person who kills people for you. That person was known as Jolly Roger. Jolly Roger knew that one day he would somehow become part of the court. The reason, being he was loyal and the Pirate Lords loved him. He was also a dear friend of mine, great mates we were.

ST: Mates?

JS: Shut up….as I was saying. That changed. My father who is now the Keeper of the Code used to be the Pirate Lord of the Caribbean you see. He resigned, and gave the position to me.

LK: Jolly Roger wasn't very happy about that was he?

JS: No, he wasn't. You see all Jolly Roger wanted was respect. Which he had, but he wanted to be one of those pirates like Blackbeard, one that all would fear. Not that they didn't already…you get me drift.

ST: No

JS: Not asking you.

LK: I think so.

JS: Well when Jolly Roger didn't become a Pirate Lord and I did he became outraged and he hated me so we weren't mates anymore.

ST: That had to be a tough breakup.

JS: Friends, we weren't friends anymore.

ST: Could have fooled me.

I couldn't help myself from suppressing my small giggle as I watched the two snap back and forth. However it cut short when Captain Sparrow started to speak again.

JS: Jolly Roger was outraged, not that he wasn't already jealous of me. Seeing I have such wonderful luck and good looks.

Sweeney Todd snorted, causing Jack to give him a sideways glance.

JS: Jolly knowing that I love to play poker decided to invite me for a friendly game. I was already on my toes. You never know what that fellow has up that sleeve of his. Well let's just say I'm not that bad of a card player you see, and so he had to cheat to win against me….so he got himself a witch doctor to deal the cards. Hand after hand Jolly Roger won until I was left without a doubloon in my pocket…nothing but my piece of eight.

ST: What's a piece of eight?

JS: It's what the Pirate Lords have to show they are a pirate lord. See.

Jack reached up pointing at a trinket that hung over the top of his bandanna.

ST: You mean a piece of junk?

JS: I'm not arguing with you on this one. Jolly Roger had a full house, six over fours. I knew right then I had to cheat, if I lost my piece of eight…

ST: Piece of junk.

JS: Piece of EIGHT in a card game my father was going to shoot me.

LK: Your own father would shoot you?

JS: Well…I think so. Well anyhow I cheated, I knew better. So I pulled out an Ace from me sleeve, and got a full house. Aces over Jacks.

LK: What did Jolly Roger do?

JS: He threw a Pirate tantrum. He pulled out two pistols pointing them at me and the witch doctor. I threw the table up blocking the bullet he fired before getting the hell out of there. The Witch Doctor however was not so lucky. In his dying breath he cursed Jolly Roger to walk the earth as the living dead. Transforming him into a skeletal beast!

BOB: Whoa dude!

There was a small pause as Mr. Todd, Captain Sparrow and I glanced at the camera man before going back into our interview.

JS: Let me tell you, he isn't a very pretty sight to look at either. However the curse more turned into a gift. Jolly Roger gained all the voodoo powers from the Witch Doctor, he can bring the living dead upon this earth and use them to fight against me and overthrow the Brethren Court.

There was nothing but silence in the room as Captain Sparrow's story sunk into my mind causing it to spin uncontrollably.

LK: Are you worried?

JS: Na, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow luv, I have nothing to worry about.

Sweeney Todd rolled his eyes once more as the room filled with hushed voices. Captain Sparrow leaned back in his seat giving me a small smile.

I turned my attention to Sweeney Todd whose dark gaze met with mine.

LK: Mr. Sweeney Todd how are you today?

ST:

LK: Ok then, let's get to it.

ST: Don't expect me to have stories about Mermaids or undead pirates.

LK: I don't.

Sweeney Todd raised an eyebrow and Captain Sparrow smirked causing me to giggle once more.

LK: Now Mr. Todd. You are a mass murderer, from the 1850's…

JS: WAIT! You can kill mass? I didn't know that wasn't possible.

ST: Really?

LK: Fine a serial killer,

JS: Cheerio Mate!

Sweeney Todd sighed as he shook his head placing his elbow on the arm of his chair and leaning his head on his hand.

LK: Ok, you kill people.

Suddenly a loud screeching noise filled the room followed by a few thunks as Captain Sparrow scooted his chair across the woodfloor before pulling his pistol out of his belt and placing it in his lap.

ST: Really?

JS: Yes really! I can't trust you, you're a mass murderer, a "cereal" killer, and you kill people!

LK: Wha…

JS: You are a heartless man Mr. Sweeney Todd, a very heartless man.

There was a small pause, after a few moments I continued with the interview.

LK: Mr. Todd, what made you want to kill countless people?

JS: He's insane that's why!

ST: The Judge, he took my wife and killed her, and held my daughter against her will. It was the injustice of it all that drove me over the edge.

JS:

LK: Tell us your story, why did the Judge take your wife?

ST: Well, it was before I was Sweeney Todd.

JS: Like another life?

ST: No.

JS: Oh.

ST: I used to be known as Benjamin Barker a respectful barber of Fleet Street. One day the Judge saw me and my wife at a flower market with our daughter Johanna. He was a vulture of the law, so with a gesture of his claw he removed me from my place. Then he convicted me of false charges and sent me to Bounty Bay in Australia. During the time I was gone he tried to win my Lucy's heart, but he never prevailed. She disinclined all of his requests.

JS: Slow down on the large words Sweeney, some of us can't handle them.

ST: Mr. Todd.

JS: Excuse me.

ST: Till one dreadful night he sent for her, stating that he wanted to apologize for his horrible deed of breaking her heart. So he sent his rat faced aide Beadle Bamford to fetch her. When she arrived at his house he was having a ball, where everyone was wearing masks. She was offered a drink that was poisoned, causing her to become very weak.

Sweeney Todd stopped for a moment taking a slight breath before looking back to me. Captain Sparrow watched him intently, his sudden jokes and antics stopping for just a moment as the barber spoke.

ST: After that dreadful night she poisoned herself, with Arsenic from the pottery around the corner of Fleet Street. My landlady Nellie Lovett tried to stop her, but Lucy wouldn't listen. Johanna was then placed with Judge Turpin who became her guardian. Now sixteen years later, thinking he was shielding my Johanna from the dangers of the world, decided to marry her.

JS: I'm sorry mate.

ST: Don't call me mate.

LK: So that is what pushed you over the edge?

ST: Yes, but Johanna is safe now. A sailor boy I met on my voyage back to London, Antony Hope fell in love with her and saved her from the Judge.

LK: So how did you come up with the concept of killing people, you only wanted the judge so what was the point of killing the others?

ST: Well, there was this other barber Pirelli, when he was a young lad he used to watch me shave my customers. He wanted to be a barber himself so I taught him. He recognized me from the old days, and because of the contest we had in the market he proclaimed that I entered under false pretences. So he demanded half my earnings and I knew he was going to get in the way.

LK: What happened.

JS: I bet he killed him.

ST: I did.

JS: YOU KILLED HIM?

ST: Yes.

JS: How?

ST: A tea pot, and razor.

Jack raised his eyebrow before placing his hand on his chin.

JS: I got hit in the head with a tea pot once. This old girl of mine, she did it, got so mad at me she did… she picked it up and hit me square on the brow bone! That's where I got this scar. See!

Captain Sparrow pointed at his right brow bone where a short straight scar cut through his eyebrow.

JS: Tea Pots are powerful.

ST: His helper Toby came running up the stairs so I had to hide Pirelli, so I put him in the trunk in my shop. When the boy left I finished him off.

LK: Then the judge came?

ST: Then the judge came, I was so close, so close to my revenge and the sailor boy who the Judge caught looking at Johanna ran inside the shop! The Judge left angrily vowing never to return. That is when I decided that I wanted to kill every living thing on this green earth.

LK: You had an epiphany?

ST: Yes.

JS: I had one of those once! NEVER when stranded on an island with a woman EVER leave her unsupervised with the rum!

LK: How did you come up with baking your victims into pies?

JS: WHAT?

ST: Nellie Lovett came up with the idea to get her business going.

JS: Is this a joke?

LK: So the plan was set for both of you. You had a way to get rid of your corpses, and she had a way of getting her business booming again.

ST: Yes.

JS: What?

LK: How did that work?

ST: I would use my razor, slit their throats and I built a chair that reclined backwards into a trap door that led into the bake house below her shop. She made them into pies and served them to her customers.

Captain Sparrow reached down to his pistol that sat upon his lap, cocking it so it was ready to fire when needed.

ST: What are you doing?

JS: I don't want to be a pie.

LK: Did you get your revenge on the Judge?

ST: Yes eventually.

JS: After killing countless men.

ST: Sixty-five.

JS: What?

LK: You killed sixty-five men?

ST: Yes, all that didn't have families, ones that wouldn't be missed.

Suddenly a loud screeching noise filled the room again as Jack Sparrow stood out of his chair and dragged it farther away from Mr. Sweeney Todd. After he was about a yard away, he sat in his chair again before stretching his arm out towards the barber.

ST: What are you doing?

JS: Seeing if you can reach me from this distance.

LK: What happened to Mrs. Lovett?

ST: She lied to me.

JS: What about?

ST:

JS: Hello?

ST: I'm not answering you.

JS: Apparently.

LK: What did Mrs. Lovett lie about?

ST: She said my wife was dead when she wasn't; she was the bagger woman that stood outside the shop. I accidently killed her too, but I didn't know it was her.

LK: What happened to Mrs. Lovett then?

ST: I threw her in the bake oven, after pretending I was in love with her.

JS: You threw her, in….an oven?

ST: Yes.

JS: After pretending you were in love with her?

ST:

JS: Wouldn't it be easier to just leave, that's what I do. Now you have to worry about her haunting you.

ST:

LK: Do you feel that its Mrs. Lovett's fault that you became the "Demon Barber Of Fleet Street" or do you believe it was your own doing? Do you regret what you did?

ST: It was both our doing, I never had to agree with her but I did. I never had to murder those people but I did. Is it her fault I went over the edge like I did. Yes… she lied, she lied about my wife. If I would have known she was alive, I would have tried to help her, to make her Lucy again. Then Anthony could have saved Johanna and we could have left England, maybe went to America. If Mrs. Lovett didn't lie, I would have never become the "Demon Barber Of Fleet Street". But she did. I made my own choices as she did herself. So it was both our doing.

ST: Do I regret what I did? Yes and no. I do not regret killing the Judge. He deserved to die and so did the Beadle. They deserved to suffer for what they did to my wife and daughter. Did those other people deserve to die? No, maybe…I'm not sure. Did my Lucy deserve to die, because I was so blinded by revenge that I didn't think for just a moment…for just a moment have any hope that she might be alive. No, she didn't deserve to die. Yet, I was so blinded I didn't see her. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't see that the reason for my life and my revenge was standing on the street corner of Fleet Street every night staring up at my shop. I'll never get her or my life back.

ST: So yes, I do regret the things I did to people. They didn't deserve to die and suffer because of what I did. But I will NEVER regret killing the Judge and the Beadle. If I didn't my Johanna wouldn't be safe now.

Everything was utterly quite in the room; Jack Sparrow had no witty comments. My camera man Bob stared at his feet biting his lip as Sweeney Todd came to a close. A small tear escaped my eye as I watched the man before me break in two although he hid behind a stone cold stare.

I looked down at my hands, pulling the index card before me from the front of my stack and put it behind the others revealing a new list of questions I had for the men before me. With a sigh, I placed them onto my lap looking back at Mr. Sweeney Todd who was now staring at the floor hiding his eyes from our gazes.

LK: Captain Sparrow.

Jack pulled his eyes away from the Barber that sat a few feet away from him. His eyes showing a small sparkle in the light that shone above us.

JS: Yes.

LK: Alright, I have one last question for you Captain.

JS: Fire away luv!

LK: What does being a pirate mean to you?

JS: Everything. Being a pirate to me means everything. I can be who I want to be with no rules or regulations. I can sail the seven seas and go where I wish. I can be completely free without worrying about this fashion or that. The adventures I go on are ones that will be passed on for generations, and children will hear those legends from their fathers and grandfathers long after I'm gone. Just like my mother and father told me when I was a child. Even without my ship the Black Pearl, even when I am sailing in a little dingy, it doesn't matter to me. I'm happy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sweeney Todd looked up then, glancing over at Jack Sparrow who looked back at him.

ST: I wish my life was like that again.

LK: Mr. Todd?

Sweeney Todd turned his gaze from Captain Sparrow to me.

LK: Now that this whole mess with Judge Turpin is over and done with, and that Johanna is free and safe….what do you plan on doing with your life? Do you think you will ever be happy again?

There was a long moment of silence not a sound was heard as the barber brows furrowed and he slightly cocked his head to the side staring down at the hardwood floor. His whole being searching his brain, clearly looking for an answer. After a few moments he looked up at me again. With a small shrug he said…

ST: I don't know.

I gave both of my interviewees a smile placing my index cards on my lap.

LK: Thank you both so much for this wonderful interview. I had a great time and I hope to see both of you again very soon.

JS: No thank you luv for having us, it was a pleasure to meet you. You should most definitely when I get my ship back, come and visit sometime. You would like it very much at sea!

Jack Sparrow stood up from his seat as he placed his pistol back in his he stood up a small clink was heard throughout the room, causing the Captain to stop dead still.

Mr. Sweeney Todd looked at Captain Sparrow in confusion before looking down at the ground near the pirate's chair. There on the floor sat a shiny silver razor, one that was all too familiar to the barber.

I watched Mr. Todd as he reached for his holster, only to find it empty. Captain Sparrow shifted uncomfortably where he stood as the barber's body tensed and his eyes darkened with anger.

ST: Captain Sparrow…

Captain Sparrow bit his lower lip before turning to the barber who glared up at him angrily.

JS: Yes?

ST: I believe you have something of mine.

Mr. Todd's voice was dark and heavy, sending chills down my spine. I looked over my shoulder at Bob who shifted uncomfortably glancing down at me before whispering…

BOB: If there's blood I'm leaving.

JS: You mean this thingy?

Captain Sparrow bent down, picking the razor from the floor and holding it up to the light.

Mr. Todd gripped the arms of his chair, his jaw setting.

ST: Yes, that "Thingy"

JS: Oh, well mate I'm sorry but you are mistaken, this here thingy is mine, I found it.

Sweeney Todd jumped out of his chair sending it backwards. I lifted my feet from the floor into my chair, pressing myself against the back of it.

ST: I'm not going through this with you again Captain Sparrow!

LK: Excuse me? Mr. Todd, Captain Sparrow?

Jack Sparrow let a smile break across his face as he held the razor in the air, as if to keep it out of Mr. Todd's reach.

JS: I found it on the floor! Finder's keeper's loser reapers!

LK: Weepers,

ST: That reaper is going to be visiting you if you don't give me back my razor!

JS: Come on Sweeney; don't have to be so dramti….

Before Captain Sparrow could finish, Mr. Todd casually reached upwards and grabbed hold of the razor making an attempt to rip it out of the captain's hand.

He didn't prevail.

Captain Sparrow had a death grip on that razor, which only made Mr. Todd's anger boil.

LK: Excuse me,

I was too late; Mr. Todd magically pulled another razor out of nowhere, flipping it open in one move and attacked the pirate.

Suddenly there was a couple of small screams as people quickly evacuated out of the room as the sound of a sword impacted something.

My camera man Bob made it very clear that he was finished, claiming "I don't get paid enough for this job" before quickly leaving the room yelling out curses along the way. "This is the same thing that happened with those South Park kids."

Before I realized what happened, the whole room was in ruins. The chairs Mr. Todd and Captain Sparrow sat in were both toppled over as the lights were either broken or laying across the floor. My index cards were thrown across the room. My chair now flipped over, sat before me as I hid behind it. Peaking over the edge of the chair, I looked to see if anyone was left in the room. I found no one, with a sigh I leaned back against the chair before coming face to face with no other then Captain Jack Sparrow who sat casually beside me.

He gave me a smile, before holding up the very razor that he had stolen from Mr. Todd, along with a second.

"Double the pay, means double the rum!"

_-Fin-_

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><p>Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think! Reviews make me happy! :D<p> 


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